Why is it that my being sad has to be anyone’s “fault” why can’t it just be me being sad I just need to let my feelings win sometimes
I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad
I wish I could be dead I wish I can’t feel a thing so I won’t ever feel lonely and scared and sad ever again.
I will start over as many times as I have to until I am sure that I am not settling for less than what I deserve, something I should have figured out long long ago.
what is it with my tendency to suspect everything? it’s like idk i’m completely alright and then i see something somewhere and i go a little crazy trying to figure out the impact it would have on my life and what i would have to do to survive.
in other news letting go is such a slow and tiring process i hate being patient i need to be over everything that has ever happened to me and accept that i make bad life choices and they lead to painful outcomes but everything turns out ok in the end anyway so why does it matter
Sometime in 2013 I decided I’ll never care for anyone ever again with a few exceptions and even if she holds a place in my life right now she will have to go if she gives off any suspicious vibes at all. It upsets me terribly but I can’t risk getting treated like a doormat ever again.
So it’s goodbye now, and thanks for all the love and cookies. Be happy.
i don’t intend to be melodramatic but sometimes it get a bit lonely in here. usually i embrace this loneliness (it’s how i grew up after all) but occasionally it gets to me and i get all these gross negative feelings that make me want to scream and cry into my pillow all night.
that’s when i start to wonder if there’s something inherently wrong with me, if, somehow, on some level, i deliberately repel people.
there must be a reason why i’ve never been a constant in anyone’s life.
what i do know is that i’ve given so much but it feels like my efforts have gone unnoticed simply because i do not fawn and fret over people. it’s one thing when strangers dismiss me without a thought (because i don’t make an effort to get acquainted in the first place) but it’s entirely another when people i love and care about succeed in making me feel invisible and insignificant.
no one’s ever cared enough to look for me when i disappear because i’ve never actually belonged anywhere anyway. that’s me, quietly slipping away from everything i’ve ever known.
well, it’s not like they noticed i was there in the first place.
at the end of the day, i always end up empty and alone.