“so much of my life has been complicated i’d like things to be easy. honest. safe. all the things that are supposed to remind you of home, don’t remind me of home. they remind me of nowhere.”

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for twelve years i’ve held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart

there are days where i know i’m not happy but all i feel is this gaping hole where the feels used to be.

and then there are days i get so angry because i was forced to grow up so soon and there is no going back from that.

and of coz you have the days where i bitterly regret and hate everything that has ever happened to me.

thankfully on most days i’m happy and hopeful that my life wouldn’t suck as much as it did. after all, there’s nothing else anyone can take from me.

and obviously i’ve never related to another character more.

i am my biggest enemy

i’m not proud of the person i used to be. i dont want to make anymore bad choices because the consequences have no end. nobody lets me forget what i’ve done and/or who i was. i feel like tyrion lannister:

“Why is it that when one man builds a wall, the next man immediately needs to know what’s on the other side?”

“Let them see that their words can cut you and you’ll never be free of the mockery. If they want to give you a name take it make it your own. Then they can’t hurt you with it anymore.”

i relate to the cynical little imp now more than i ever thought i would.

i spent too long digging myself out of the hole that i was forced into to allow myself to fall back in again. i will be strong again because it’s the only thing i can be.

alliance

the thing that will hurt you most after a breakup–whether it’s a friendship or yknow the usual–is really hearing the things that they said about you to other people. the breaking of the alliance. THIS IS WHAT WILL FUCKING KILL U

because U THOUGHT U COULD FUCKING TRUST THEM

but no

they use what they know AGAINST U. hearing all the worst things about yourself, things you’ve always been insecure about—ok yknow what rachel says it best:

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*drops mic*