the thing that will hurt you most after a breakup–whether it’s a friendship or yknow the usual–is really hearing the things that they said about you to other people. the breaking of the alliance. THIS IS WHAT WILL FUCKING KILL U
because U THOUGHT U COULD FUCKING TRUST THEM
they use what they know AGAINST U. hearing all the worst things about yourself, things you’ve always been insecure about—ok yknow what rachel says it best:
Why is it that my being sad has to be anyone’s “fault” why can’t it just be me being sad I just need to let my feelings win sometimes
I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad
I wish I could be dead I wish I can’t feel a thing so I won’t ever feel lonely and scared and sad ever again.
I will start over as many times as I have to until I am sure that I am not settling for less than what I deserve, something I should have figured out long long ago.
what is it with my tendency to suspect everything? it’s like idk i’m completely alright and then i see something somewhere and i go a little crazy trying to figure out the impact it would have on my life and what i would have to do to survive.
in other news letting go is such a slow and tiring process i hate being patient i need to be over everything that has ever happened to me and accept that i make bad life choices and they lead to painful outcomes but everything turns out ok in the end anyway so why does it matter