alliance

the thing that will hurt you most after a breakup–whether it’s a friendship or yknow the usual–is really hearing the things that they said about you to other people. the breaking of the alliance. THIS IS WHAT WILL FUCKING KILL U

because U THOUGHT U COULD FUCKING TRUST THEM

but no

they use what they know AGAINST U. hearing all the worst things about yourself, things you’ve always been insecure about—ok yknow what rachel says it best:

Screen Shot 2015-01-19 at 4.21.17 am

*drops mic*

Why is it that my being sad has to be anyone’s “fault” why can’t it just be me being sad I just need to let my feelings win sometimes

I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad I’m so sad

I wish I could be dead I wish I can’t feel a thing so I won’t ever feel lonely and scared and sad ever again.

that’s all.

Surviving My Divorce Was More Difficult Than My Father’s Suicide

maybe i read so many stories about heartbreak and death so that i would be fully prepared when it happens to me but somehow it never ever feels the way it’s ‘supposed’ to feel.

Thought Catalog

Flickr, Leo HidalgoFlickr, Leo Hidalgo

It was not the loss suffered nor the grief felt. Without a doubt, the sudden and violent death of my father remains the greatest loss of my life, and the pain and grief I encountered during and after the event are still untouchable by any sadness I have experienced since. It is the death of that which still walks, breathes, lives and exists. It is grieving a person who stands in front of you, remains tangible, holdable, shakable, yet says, “I am not leaving you because I am leaving this plane, I am not leaving you because illness has come for me, I am not even leaving the state, I simply don’t want you anymore.”

The morning I learned that my father had committed suicide, I drove immediately to the hospital where the police had taken him. They had not even formally declared his time of death…

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I will start over as many times as I have to until I am sure that I am not settling for less than what I deserve, something I should have figured out long long ago.

all i do is make run-ons

what is it with my tendency to suspect everything? it’s like idk i’m completely alright and then i see something somewhere and i go a little crazy trying to figure out the impact it would have on my life and what i would have to do to survive.

in other news letting go is such a slow and tiring process i hate being patient i need to be over everything that has ever happened to me and accept that i make bad life choices and they lead to painful outcomes but everything turns out ok in the end anyway so why does it matter