There will be many times when you are uncomfortable in my silence,
Unsure how I am feeling.
Because I do not wear my heart on my sleeve for everyone to see,
Does not mean that it beats any softer than yours.
Do not confuse the stillness of lips with the rhythm of apathy,
I am peaceful in our silence.
Do not confuse the sound of words rattling off eighty beats per minute,
with the music of an actual conversation.
Because I cannot commit the act of “small talk”,
Does not mean I do not have huge things to say.
i don’t intend to be melodramatic but sometimes it get a bit lonely in here. usually i embrace this loneliness (it’s how i grew up after all) but occasionally it gets to me and i get all these gross negative feelings that make me want to scream and cry into my pillow all night.
that’s when i start to wonder if there’s something inherently wrong with me, if, somehow, on some level, i deliberately repel people.
there must be a reason why i’ve never been a constant in anyone’s life.
what i do know is that i’ve given so much but it feels like my efforts have gone unnoticed simply because i do not fawn and fret over people. it’s one thing when strangers dismiss me without a thought (because i don’t make an effort to get acquainted in the first place) but it’s entirely another when people i love and care about succeed in making me feel invisible and insignificant.
no one’s ever cared enough to look for me when i disappear because i’ve never actually belonged anywhere anyway. that’s me, quietly slipping away from everything i’ve ever known.
well, it’s not like they noticed i was there in the first place.
at the end of the day, i always end up empty and alone.